Relationships are complicated things. As Joel Meyerowitz puts it when he first meets Maggie Barrett, a relationship is simply two strangers trying not to kill each other.
When you are in a committed relationship, you are constantly in each other’s space. It’s impossible not to fight with someone you spend so much time with, the same way you argue with a sibling — not from genuine hatred, but rather, spending so much time with someone. It becomes impossible not to get frustrated with the way they chew or the way they sometimes leave dishes in the sink. Or as in Maggie’s words, “How do I find my space without being overwhelmed by you?”
These issues that come with continuous proximity follow Maggie and Joel through the years as we watch their relationship through Jacob Perlmutter and Manon Ouimet’s documentary that shows the honest, sometimes ugly truth of love.
The documentary combines various methods of film in order to share the story of their honest complicated humanity of love, but not without removing hope. Maggie and Joel’s narration, together and separately; accompany stills of photographs and filmed conversations that explore their lives before each other, and together.
Maggie and Joel’s relationship is far from typical. We follow the documentary as they recall the start of their love 30 years in retrospect, aged 84 and 75 respectively. When they meet, Maggie is out of her fourth divorce at 44 and Joel’s marriage has ended a year prior. Joel is a successful author and photographer who has published over 40 books over his life and is known for being the only photographer allowed unimpeded access to Ground Zero, and Maggie is a talented writer who struggles with publishing rejection.
Discussing topics like death and how Maggie thinks she would cope with life after Joel, over simple domestic activities like eating dinner, sitting on the couch and folding laundry; simple acts show their comfort within love and remind you that true love really is finding your best friend.
Two weeks after Joel and Maggie meet, she becomes paralysed. We are told about their lives over a series of photographs. She is told that she will be permanently paralysed. She then recovers. Despite Maggie’s constant resilience as she struggles with multiple accidents throughout her life, she still finds her lack of success in her writing deems her inadequate.
How do you deal with feeling like your partner’s life is worth more than your own? There’s a fine line between being happy for your partner’s success and feeling terrible for your own lack thereof. Together, Joel and Maggie face the truth of how building resentment can impact your relationship overtime.
Their ability to communicate with each other is so beautiful. Even when their actions may seem rash, like when Maggie rips apart her journals and burns them in a moment where she really delves into how she feels, unable to get her writing published, instead of questioning her, Joel asks if she needs any help.
This film delves into the ugly side of love. It doesn’t gloss over the uncomfortable truth that would be expected from a movie that focuses on such a private topic, instead it shows that sometimes relationships can look like resentment or loud arguments or feeling ignored. While the truth of it may seem scary, we are left with the message that it doesn’t matter how messy an argument may seem– ultimately a relationship comes down to if you’re willing to work through it.
Two Strangers Trying Not To Kill Each Other is being shown at the Antenna Festival from 6-16th February.
