Local nineteen year old Fred Bryce was recently spotted entering a screening of Dwayne ‘The Rock‘ Johnson’s Rampage, seemingly by himself, in a move that has become the source of much scuttlebutt throughout the community.
Bryce, a regular patron of the Dendy cinema, was spotted by an old high school friend and her partner. “We weren’t sure at first, cause like, Fred is usually a very cool guy, and was reasonably popular when I knew him, but he’s clearly become a fucking loser at some point in the last year,” she said.
In the wake of these startling new allegations, Dendy has had to introduce a strict “No Fucking Losers” policy which has steadily improved the quality of the clientele, but reportedly been detrimental to the box office results of Wes Anderson’s Isle of Dogs.
There has been some pushback from those affected by the new policy, but the cinema has remained steadfast in the face of opposition. Mel Gibson, co-owner of the Dendy Icon group, said in a statement, “I understand the plight of Freds the world over, but if we let fucking losers into our cinemas who’s next? [Redacted slur]?”
The tragedy of Bryce’s solo viewing of Rampage has hit nowhere harder than his home life. “I just can’t believe I live with such a fucking loser” Fred’s mother, father and sisters said. “Yeah, me and Fred split up a couple of days ago. It was a mutual, amicable thing. Totally unrelated,” his now-ex-partner said.
Bryce’s few remaining friends claim that he deeply regrets what happened, in particular getting caught seeing Rampage. However, when hunny reached out, Fred declined to comment…fucking loser.
