Comedy //

Uni management toss coins into Victoria Park lake for good luck with cutting staff and courses

It’s believed the coins were taken out of wages owed to University tutors.

While the G20 leaders in Rome threw coins into the Trevi Fountain for good luck fighting the climate emergency, the University of Sydney’s own bureaucratic cabal has held a decidedly more local summit of its own.

The University’s entire senior management team gathered on the banks of Victoria Park’s Lake Northam last week to cast unspecified amounts of currency into the lake’s murky depths.

“We love cutting student funds so much that we’ve decided to literally throw them down the drain,” newly appointed Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Deprivation and Frugality) Professor Sue Perstition told Honi, while warming up her throwing arm.

“Unlearn austerity!”

Each member of management stood with their back to the lake, wished for cuts to the FASS school of their choosing, and hurled a coin into the water behind them à la The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003)

The safety of the lake’s turtle, frog, and native eel occupants is unconfirmed.

Leaked emails have revealed that the DCP (Demonstrative Coin Propulsion) was intended as both a self-congratulatory measure and a plan for the University to diversify its investment portfolio.

“They say if you throw a coin into the Trevi Fountain you will return to Rome. We look forward to, uh, dredging our investments in due course,” Perstition said.

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