It’s ok if you’re not proud of me
This is the exact moment I started crying.
I wonder if I’ll ever say that to you
My birth giver, my DNA, my mother
To let you know that I know you’re not proud
Maybe I already have from what has happened
Late nights coming home
Tattoos
The sleepovers
My undefined queerness
Do you still see me as Vietnamese or am I behaving
in the ‘Western’ ways now?
You need not be proud of me to still love me
All at once
In another life I would be happy just doing laundry and taxes with you
I wish it could have been you
To sit in the silences
To do LIFE with
If we stopped loving each other to let go of each other like this
Because we could do nothing but it would still be something to me. I digress
Because I want the good to exist
Everywhere
Because it does exist
Whether you are here
Or in my mind
All at once
Nothing matters
Alternatively, I am relinquishing my control of these matters
They do matter. I’m choosing for it not to bother me
I’m learning that to have no expectations means to be less disappointed
Even if everything Did
Does
Will
Matter
All at once
