New-Age motivational speaker “manifests” himself table at packed restaurant

Using techniques popularised by books like “The Secret”, professional Universal Vision Technology™ coach Eddie Gelman was able to be seated in a packed, inner-city, fine dining location in time for his date’s arrival at 7.30pm on Friday night.

“Using my trademarked Universal Vision Technology™ methods my students have been able to accomplish their greatest dreams and attain their wildest desires” Gelman explained at a beginners life seminar in October last year. “But it’s not just about those long term goals, like doubling your sales at work or getting that promotion you know you deserve, it’s about proving to people in day-to-day moments that you are a person who deserves interest and affection, that you deserve to get what you want.

After getting word that the entire restaurant was booked out at 7 PM, nearby diners reported Gelman begged on his hands and knees for the maitre d’ to “please just kick like two of these goddamn losers out for christ’s sake”.

“It’s a basic fact of science that the universe gives and receives,” explained Gelman to his 55 seminar attendees, of whom many were high level CEO’s and entrepreneurs. “Once the universe receives your dedication and love, it can give you back anything you desire. Beautiful coincidences and acts of kindness from strangers you used to think were serendipities will begin to fall into your lap all the time. And this cosmic give and take is all a part of the laws of nature that anyone, especially you, can harness.”

Following the request of the manager that Gelman leave the establishment, the speaker began to hurl abuse at the eatery’s patrons and staff. Departing diners reported that Gelman threw plates of pasta at the restaurant’s walls and threatening to “burn this shit shack to the ground” should he not get a table by 7.30.

“I will throw you all of you into a god damn well if I don’t get what I want,” Gelman said atop one of the trendy restaurant’s tightly packed tables, “Do you understand? I will burn your mother alive.”

At press time, Gelman stated, “success is about maintaining an active presence in each and every moment, and having an aura and energy which is characterised by kindness, compassion and love, rather than negativity. Once you do that, things will just ‘click’ and you will trust the universe to just take over”

Gelman was given a table for two at 7.25 on the condition that he would remain quiet and never return.