Comedy //

Second Nerd King Dies in as Many Weeks

My heart is so heavy that I offer no name. Death will make worms of us all

Representatives from multiple quadrants of nerd and geek culture arrive at William Shatner’s Basilica in Ottumwa, Iowa, to coordinate a response to the latest dead icon.

While nerds across the planet have mourned the passing of geek icons Leonard Nimoy and Terry Pratchett, the Council of Nerd Kings has called an emergency convocation to address the suspiciously proximate deaths of two of their most senior acolytes. Pratchett, who passed on Friday, was a well known King of the Nerds, while Leonard Nimoy, also-Nerd-King, died last week. The remaining councillors suspect foul play. “While it is too early to point fingers, we cannot rule out the possibility that these unfortunate deaths are attacks, orchestrated by the Cool Jocks,” said Geek Viceroy Nichelle Nichols in her opening address to the convocation. Orchestrated murders of Nerd Kings are not without precedent. Carl Sagan, Marie Curie, and the guy who played Steve Urkel all passed in what the Council maintains are “highly suspicious circumstances”. In the event of the death of a Nerd King, the matter that previously constituted their bodies is reduced to fermions and bosons, at which time the fundamental particles collide at light-speed, creating a tremendous number of infinitely wonderful and beautiful universes. Nimoy and Pratchett will be remembered for their incredible work undermining prejudice, empowering the strange, and celebrating the different.

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