I Think I Understand What Is Going On: Just a Working Title, the 2015 Architecture Revue

Samantha Jonscher is literally an usher

6:00- My shift starts. The stage is being mopped. There are “smart” mad men ready pieces of furniture piled on top of each other. Their key piece of set appears to be a doorframe featuring door beads, glued to a palette. I admire their use of space and imagine that architects are better at these things than me.

6:15- The stage is re-assembled. They have indeed used the space well.

6:19- The sound technician asks me what time the show is meant to start. This is a bad sign. I complete my seat check. This requires me to flip down each and every seat individually and look for any leftover rubbish. I find several empty cans of Coke and a piece of gum. The gum is still sticky.

6:25- I’m informed that the cast thinks they are starting at 7:30. The tickets say they start at 7:00. They definitely start at 7:00.

6:40- I have to go upstairs to get more plastic cups to sit in front of my door. These cups are for people to “decant” their glass beverages. There is no glass allowed in the theatre.

6:43- Someone asks me where the water is. I say that I have no water, but she should go to the bar. She asks why I have plastic cups. I explain. She tells me that I really should have some water available.

6:55- The doors open, only five minutes late.

7:02- the show starts. Only two minutes late. Revues are infamous for starting late.

7:09- I seat eight latecomers. In this time I think a seagull is knifed for stealing another character’s chips. I am unsure about this, however, I was distracted by the late patrons.

7:11- there is an intense amount of radio chatter in my ear regarding Arts Revue, which starts at 7:30. I am further confused. This chatter continues until 7:35.

7:37- I think I understand what is going on.

7:52- Interval. I do not understand what is going on. I am left with many questions. The cast seems to be having a good time. I am happy for them. Their director is chatty and by far the best performer.

8:12- The show starts again. I realise that the bead door is a portal. This was hopefully more obvious to people who were not distracted for the first forty minutes of the show.

8:34- I am confused by what seems to be a unified plot but am able to grab hold of something funny in an isolated scene that punned things about windows. I enjoyed this. Architects probably know more about windows than I do.

8:53- The show ends. I am not quite sure what happened but have $98.