Close Menu
Honi Soit
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram
    Trending
    • Whose Review Is It Anyway?: NUTS’ WPIIA 2025
    •  “Like diaspora, pollen needs to bescattered to different places to survive and grow”: Dual Opening of ‘Germinate/Propagate/Bloom’, and ‘Last Call’ at 4A Centre of Contemporary Asian Art
    • Akinola Davies Jr. on My Father’s Shadow, Namesakes, and Nostalgia: An Interview
    • Into the Blue: Underwater Robots Unveil the Secrets of Norfolk Island’s Deep
    • Ancient Reef Cores Reveal Fragile Future for the Great Barrier Reef
    • Bach, Handel, Scarlatti, and Rameau walk into the Oldest Sydney Church
    • The Raftsmen: An Interview with Dr. Chadden Hunter — Sydney Film Festival Exclusive
    • The Anarchy 1138-53: to play or to plunder?
    • About
    • Print Edition
    • Student Journalism Conference 2025
    • Writing Comp
    • Advertise
    • Locations
    • Contact
    Facebook Instagram X (Twitter) TikTok
    Honi SoitHoni Soit
    Wednesday, June 18
    • News
    • Analysis
    • Culture
    • Opinion
    • University
    • Features
    • Perspective
    • Investigation
    • Reviews
    • Comedy
    • Student Journalism Conference 2025
    Honi Soit
    Home»Perspective

    Puzzling through

    By AnonymousSeptember 10, 2015 Perspective 3 Mins Read
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email

    Sexual attraction is messy. There’s a multitude of things that complicate it, turning the mere act of wanting someone into a minefield. Naturally, the assumption is that since asexuality is defined as the lack of sexual attraction, it is easy.

    There is nothing easy about asexuality.

    My experiences are nowhere near a definitive guide to asexuality, however I truly do hope that they help shed some light on why asexuality should be wholeheartedly recognised and accepted as part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

    I like sex. I like the idea of sex, watching sex, reading sex. I like sex up until the point where it concerns me, because then it gets weird. Then I don’t like sex, the same way I don’t like raw tomatoes. It’s not up for discussion. When I say I don’t like raw tomato people usually just leave it. We all have preferences, after all. It’s no-one’s business that I avoid some foods.

    When I say I don’t like sex, suddenly it becomes people’s business very quickly. I’ve been told I haven’t found the right person, as if a wave of someone’s magic dick will change me. I’ve had people look sadly at me, lamenting how I’m missing out on a wonderful experience. Since sex is about as appetising to me as a raw tomato, you can see why this sentiment is tiresome. I’m hardly missing out on something if I couldn’t care less about it.

    Then there’s the people who have the audacity to tell me I will never have a normal relationship, that I’m selfish. These are my least favourite kind of asshole, because I adore being in a relationship. I love being kissed and held and taken through the whirlwind experience that is romantic attraction. I love it so much that I am unequivocally terrified of fucking it up with my inability to want sex like a “normal person”.

    I don’t appreciate being told that I will, due to my unchangeable sexuality, destroy any potential relationship. It’s a ridiculous notion, but it’s pervasive. It’s pervasive because it’s easier to say that since I’m sexually untouchable, I must be unloveable. Sex without love seems common enough, but love without sex? Endlessly scandalous.

    It was for this reason that I felt like a liar for the entirety of my last date. What if she wanted more than kissing? I couldn’t do more than kissing. She really liked me, I really liked her, but what if after this everything was ruined and messy? Each time she kissed me I felt like I had cemented my fate, as if sharing saliva automatically equalled sex. It doesn’t, but it doesn’t help that society emphasies every relationship as ending up in bed together. I know it doesn’t, but what if nobody else does? Their expectations shape my own and it makes for a very tedious cycle.

    Being asexual is difficult. I navigate a sexualised world, one that pressures me to conform in order to replicate a strict formula on what a relationship should be. Sexual attraction is by no means easy, but not experiencing it and not wanting sex are just as unique and troublesome to puzzle through.

    asexual queer honi Sexual Orientation sexuality

    Keep Reading

    The Music of Memory

    Turn Away Your Mirrors and Close the Doors

    What Was Your Name?

    Do you dream with your phone?

    Authenticating My Authenticity to Inauthentic Authenticators

    Red-Haired Phantasies: The So-Called Manic Pixie Dream Girl

    Just In

    Whose Review Is It Anyway?: NUTS’ WPIIA 2025

    June 18, 2025

     “Like diaspora, pollen needs to bescattered to different places to survive and grow”: Dual Opening of ‘Germinate/Propagate/Bloom’, and ‘Last Call’ at 4A Centre of Contemporary Asian Art

    June 15, 2025

    Akinola Davies Jr. on My Father’s Shadow, Namesakes, and Nostalgia: An Interview

    June 11, 2025

    Into the Blue: Underwater Robots Unveil the Secrets of Norfolk Island’s Deep

    June 11, 2025
    Editor's Picks

    Part One: The Tale of the Corporate University

    May 28, 2025

    “Thank you Conspiracy!” says Capitalism, as it survives another day

    May 21, 2025

    A meditation on God and the impossible pursuit of answers

    May 14, 2025

    We Will Be Remembered As More Than Administrative Errors

    May 7, 2025
    Facebook Instagram X (Twitter) TikTok

    From the mines

    • News
    • Analysis
    • Higher Education
    • Culture
    • Features
    • Investigation
    • Comedy
    • Editorials
    • Letters
    • Misc

     

    • Opinion
    • Perspective
    • Profiles
    • Reviews
    • Science
    • Social
    • Sport
    • SRC Reports
    • Tech

    Admin

    • About
    • Editors
    • Send an Anonymous Tip
    • Write/Produce/Create For Us
    • Print Edition
    • Locations
    • Archive
    • Advertise in Honi Soit
    • Contact Us

    We acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. The University of Sydney – where we write, publish and distribute Honi Soit – is on the sovereign land of these people. As students and journalists, we recognise our complicity in the ongoing colonisation of Indigenous land. In recognition of our privilege, we vow to not only include, but to prioritise and centre the experiences of Indigenous people, and to be reflective when we fail to be a counterpoint to the racism that plagues the mainstream media.

    © 2025 Honi Soit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms
    • Accessibility

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.