PICKLES: THE CHIPPENDALE HOTEL (CHIPPENDALE)
M: One word: perfection. Salty, crispy, tangy, slippery, sweet perfection. Good opportunity to align Eastern European heritage with current batter-loving identity. 5/5
C: Despite my initial misgivings, I’m a fan. Probably not a would-stake-out-the-hotel-in-the- hopes-of-meeting-Harry Styles fan, but I would attend the concert of the deep-fried pickle. Salty & crispy, an easy finger-food option. 3.5/5
ICE CREAM: THE GREEN PALACE (NEWTOWN)
M: Some mysteries will never be explained (the Loch Ness monster, crop circles, where the second sock goes, etc.) and deep-fried ice-cream is one such mystery. Warm and crunchy on the outside, yet, frozen on the inside. A scientific anomaly! Would hit up again. 3/5
C: It is a myth that deep fried ice cream is good. It is NOT. The ice cream was shit and the batter tasted like my foot. If I had to choose between eating the ice cream and sleeping with an improv comedian – I would fuck the comedian. 0/5
MAC ’N’ CHEESE: THE NORFOLK HOTEL (SURRY HILLS)
M: With the key ingredients being cheese, pasta and batter – did you really need us to tell you it’s good? A festival of carbs conveniently packaged in mouth-sized balls; easy to shove in your face between sips of beer. My only gripe is the cheese could have been more flavoursome, but not everyone can devour a block of blue cheese in one sitting. 4.5/5
C: Deep-fried cheese and pasta – me in a ball. Perfect amount of batter, not too cheesy. Forget about following the Middle Way to reach Nirvana – just eat this delicacy and trust me, deep-fried mac ‘n’ cheese will be forevermore synonymous with “orgasm”. 5/5
MARS BAR: BLISS & CHIPS (NEWTOWN)
M: For this delicacy I recommend taking a trip to the OG dealer at Bondi, rather than settling for Newtown’s vegan alternative. Still an enjoyable experience, but like most things, would have been improved with dairy. 4/5
C: I’m not sure if it was the ‘vegan’ part or ‘deep-fried’ part of ‘deep-fried vegan mars bar’ that has me dubious. I struggle to trust any establishment that advertises itself as a seafood shop – but is vegan? What? WHY? Despite my concerns about the actual ingredients, it was quite good. Gooey and sweet, a decent dessert. 3/5
