Slogan: ‘Horny for Harry’
Colour: Hot Pink
Quiz Score: 100%
Faction: Socialist Alternative
Housewives tagline: “I don’t keep up with the styles. I am the style.”
Harry Styles, the first Socialist Alternative candidate to run for USU Board, is as qualified as he is extremely handsome. Styles, who is completing his third undergraduate degree on as many campuses, has previously held office bearer roles at ANUSA and ARC. When asked why he was running for USU Board, Styles smiled. “The slow decline of the USU is absolutely outrageous. What the fuck is a cereal bar? It’s time for a real socialist to get on board.”
Though the politics of the late Leon Trotsky may seem incompatible with the USU, Style’s policy statement tells us otherwise. His principle policy, and his most exciting, is the erection of a guillotine in the Holme Building. “It’s a win-win, really. The guillotine solves the issue of Liberal board directors, and provides long-term employment for recently stood down workers.” The addition of a guillotine is sure to provide a much needed boost to campus entertainment. Given the USU’s current financial situation, it could be seen as an unlikely venture — but Styles assures us that the guillotine will be built from materials salvaged from the Cereal Bar, which he plans to demolish.
His second, and most impractical policy, is the transformation of Pulp Media into a vanguard journal of the proletariat. When asked about the feasibility of such a task, Styles pauses. “I believe that there is potential even in the most unworthy of projects.” We can only assume that Styles will bring his considerable experience as an editor of Red Flag, as well as his song-writing prowess, to the table. His 2020 hit single Adore You, which peaked at 6 on the Billboard charts, was written about Karl Marx.
Ultimately, Harry Styles brings a welcome breath of fresh air to an otherwise dull affair. His experience, knowledge, and commitment to revolutionary politics are what lead Honi Soit to officially endorse his candidacy in the 2020 USU election.
You can see more on Styles here.