Close Menu
Honi Soit
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram
    Trending
    • EDCN1001: Plenaries and Press Conferences
    • USU May Board Meeting: Censure & the City
    • Skank Sinatra Review: Electric, hilarious, and open-hearted
    • Spacey Jane’s  ‘If That Makes Sense’ and Keeping Australian Music Alive
    • Trump administration issues executive order closing CIA black sites, convinced they are “woke” /Satire
    • “Lawfare”: Jewish staff and students rally behind USyd academics now facing federal legal action
    • Interview with Plestia Alaqad on ‘The Eyes of Gaza’
    • Whose Review Is It Anyway?: NUTS’ WPIIA 2025
    • About
    • Print Edition
    • Student Journalism Conference 2025
    • Writing Comp
    • Advertise
    • Locations
    • Contact
    Facebook Instagram X (Twitter) TikTok
    Honi SoitHoni Soit
    Tuesday, June 24
    • News
    • Analysis
    • Culture
    • Opinion
    • University
    • Features
    • Perspective
    • Investigation
    • Reviews
    • Comedy
    • Student Journalism Conference 2025
    Honi Soit
    Home»Comedy

    Does Mark Scott fuck?

    “He barely looked at me,” Regina recalled.
    By AnonymousMarch 22, 2021 Comedy 2 Mins Read
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email

    We know several things that newly appointed USYD Vice-Chancellor Mark Scott doesn’t do: he doesn’t have a background in academia, he doesn’t want to stop the corporatisation of the Uni, and he doesn’t have any way to stop his receding hairline. But there is one question on the minds of all Sydney students that has yet to be answered: Does Mark Scott Fuck?

    “It’s highly unlikely,” researchers at Sydney Uni biolabs told this eager reporter. “His spine is probably too shrivelled up following his stint as ABC Managing Director. He would have little to no confidence in the bedroom.”

    In an interview, Mr Scott’s ex-partner, Regina Townsend, confirmed these claims.

    “He barely looked at me.” Regina recalled, reminiscing on her 70s summer romance with him.

    Despite these testimonials, Honi Soit was determined to find the truth, and after intense sessions of sifting through garbage and attempting to get a one on one interview with the VC, this reporter finally got a chance to spend a night alone with Mr Scott.

    To resolve any lingering questions: Mark Scott does, indeed, fuck. And he fucks hard.

    We shall spare readers the details, but we can reveal that he was both a lover and a fighter, sensual but rough when needed to be, which will hopefully reflect his decision making as the new VC. I must say I am dangling in suspense over what he has for USYD, just as I was dangling from his ceiling in his leather sex swing harness. All the best to our new sex God!

    mark scott

    Keep Reading

    Trump administration issues executive order closing CIA black sites, convinced they are “woke” /Satire

     “I’m not really a flat Earther, it’s just my alter ego.”

    Conspiracy: Kylie Minogue never actually died

    Remember Me

    Battling personalities and deadlines: The spectrum of characters in group assessments

    Gay men are afraid to speak out. It’s up to straight women to speak up.

    Just In

    EDCN1001: Plenaries and Press Conferences

    June 23, 2025

    USU May Board Meeting: Censure & the City

    June 23, 2025

    Skank Sinatra Review: Electric, hilarious, and open-hearted

    June 20, 2025

    Spacey Jane’s  ‘If That Makes Sense’ and Keeping Australian Music Alive

    June 20, 2025
    Editor's Picks

    Part One: The Tale of the Corporate University

    May 28, 2025

    “Thank you Conspiracy!” says Capitalism, as it survives another day

    May 21, 2025

    A meditation on God and the impossible pursuit of answers

    May 14, 2025

    We Will Be Remembered As More Than Administrative Errors

    May 7, 2025
    Facebook Instagram X (Twitter) TikTok

    From the mines

    • News
    • Analysis
    • Higher Education
    • Culture
    • Features
    • Investigation
    • Comedy
    • Editorials
    • Letters
    • Misc

     

    • Opinion
    • Perspective
    • Profiles
    • Reviews
    • Science
    • Social
    • Sport
    • SRC Reports
    • Tech

    Admin

    • About
    • Editors
    • Send an Anonymous Tip
    • Write/Produce/Create For Us
    • Print Edition
    • Locations
    • Archive
    • Advertise in Honi Soit
    • Contact Us

    We acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. The University of Sydney – where we write, publish and distribute Honi Soit – is on the sovereign land of these people. As students and journalists, we recognise our complicity in the ongoing colonisation of Indigenous land. In recognition of our privilege, we vow to not only include, but to prioritise and centre the experiences of Indigenous people, and to be reflective when we fail to be a counterpoint to the racism that plagues the mainstream media.

    © 2025 Honi Soit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms
    • Accessibility

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.