i’m in love with at least three people at all times
this is how i know
as someone identifying on the aroace spectrum
i’m a hopeless romantic through and through
i approach every new friendship like a sapphic on a first date
tell me everything about you
i whisper internally, loudly
give me everything you’ve got,
i’ll take what i can get
i want to hear your story and be a part of it
— without you without them
we sit waiting for our friend to get off work, our laughter bouncing off the walls
we joke about our issues as if we’ve been friends for years
three hours feel like nothing with her
i feel safe when we hug and we laugh at my shivering
from my anxiety or the weather i’m unsure
being in her presence feels like unmasking
i can talk to her about anything and everything
the exactness with which we relate to each other surprises us both
i don’t think i expected to have so much love for her
i laugh into their chests when they both pull me into a group hug
i am not yet comfortable with physical touch but
when they let me go i crave being unable to breathe in the tightness of their embrace
i kiss them both on the cheek goodbye and on the way home i spend all my energy committing every moment to memory
i love my boys.
it feels good to be known so well
i can’t hide from you like i hide from myself
i remember who i am when i’m with you
— true blue
after a night out with my friends, telling them about my tantrum stories
i recount the conversation in an audio to one of my closest friends and she makes a reference to my most embarrassing one i had not revealed
i spit my water out in a coughing fit
she sends a fifteen second audio of just her laughing
and remembers such a silly piece of my history and i think
what the fuck
you know too much about me
my laughter is strained from a mixture of shock and a feeling of
wholeness
i’ll give everything i’ve got,
please take what i can give
i want you to hear my story and be a part of it
who would i be without you
— without you without them
i’m so Lucy-coded i want to cry
“my life is defined by my friends”
i have never related more to an artist; i hate it
i tell my friends over facetime
“you’ve changed me fundamentally as a person”
i am who i am because of you
love is real
life is worth living
my cheeks are wet and their faces leave the frame for a second before they tell me
to shut up
i am thankful for the distance as we share glances across a screen
unable to control our tears and laughter
when my mother speaks of concerns of me finding love in life
i stifle my desire to scream —
i’ve found love!
it is an overflowing stream my heart can’t contain
philia is the word for platonic affectionate love in Greek philosophy
it is insufficient
it pains me to know i will never be able to fully articulate what love feels like
i never thought you’d happen to me
i never thought you’d happen to me
– leonard cohen
platonic love is all i’ve ever wanted from my existence
to be able to have and to hold,
to share this love
with even one person
crazy.
what a privilege.
i feel crazy in ways i never say
will you still love me if it turns out i’m insane?
– we’re in love
i often think about being too much in my friendships
should this intimacy be reserved for non-platonic relationships?
No.
i intentionally commit to my friends the way i presume partners do
no romantic entanglement can ever compare
if you rewrite your life,
may i still play a part?
in the next one,
will you find me?
– we’re in love
i sometimes sit in my closet to feel.
the green hedgehog blanket you gave me when you last visited keeps me warm
in here i sit on the forest green quilt you gifted me and thought i would never use
i don’t feel so alone in this space
or in my feelings
you are here with me
please stay.
i hope we always change in ways that fit into each other’s lives
