Before Uni

I have never considered myself a disabled person, but then again my life before USyd was very different. I never told anyone.

I was an executive in the global financial services industry, a fairly cut-throat environment. Is there awareness of neurodiversity in these environments? Yes, but it’s lip service. There’s a big difference between awareness and acceptance. In competitive, bonus-driven environments, people take advantage of you.

I’d had enough of “masking” my condition, which was becoming more and more difficult. After almost thirty years in the industry, I left and decided to pick up some political writing. I had been doing that, and I formally retrained in social sciences, a totally different field. Now here I am!

The Holy Trinity

I have the holy trinity, ADHD, Bipolar and Autism, diagnosed some 15 years ago. I take daily medication for regulation and have a medical team to assist my needs.

I have a style of thinking, behaving and communicating which, despite my best intentions, can be misinterpreted. I struggle to pick up on social cues and I can get very stressed when things are out of a rigid routine. This doesn’t necessarily always cause stress; I often am fine for weeks on end. 

That’s just me. We’re all different; our truism trope is “when you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.” Given that, is it really our trope? 

Coming out with a Sunflower

After masking for so long it was very difficult for me to admit to myself I had a disability. It took months of therapy to work through this and to reset my view of autism and the significant advantages it can offer.

When I started at USyd, I decided to disclose my conditions outside of family and close friends for the first time. 

And it was a very small detail that convinced me: a sunflower.

I noted the University had an Inclusion & Disability page with a comprehensive set of resources and support services. One stood out in particular, the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower initiative. A symbol worn by students to indicate that they have a hidden disability. A “don’t panic” or “I may need some assistance” flag, similar to wearing a diabetic or penicillin allergy tag. It gives a sense of safety and acceptance to those wearing the beautiful little symbol on a lanyard, pin, badge, or wrist band.

In all my years of corporate neurodiversity training I had never heard of this initiative, even when working in the UK, where the initiative started. 

So what’s in your head?

“Fragmented, networked, incremental, and best offline” would be an apt description.

I think autism gives me a unique analytical style. I can see relations in things that others may not. I think logically, visually, and literally. I’m big picture oriented and detail oriented at the same time.

My brain furiously runs on multiple things at once. As I’m writing this I’m flipping between this article due today, two assignments due this week plus some external writing and trying to stroke a very attentive cat whilst being distracted by the slightest external noise.

For autistic ADHD-ers the challenge is establishing a routine whilst minimising distractions and maintaining focus.

I’ve got a myriad of techniques and systems to manage this. Everyone does to a certain extent. That is, being ‘organised’. The challenge for me is that they all work together. If one thing isn’t in place, whether it be note taking, filing systems, noise cancelling or daily routine, the whole lot doesn’t function. Trying to keep everything in place with pre-planning, whilst making room for incremental learning at Uni, is exhausting. 

At University you need to think, focus, and collate lots of information and be able to write and produce work. On time. When you have cognitive differences this can be pretty challenging. Bear in mind that I’ve been working operationally in industry for many years, which is arguably less challenging academically.

Distractions are one of the biggest challenges. Autistic people have ‘special interests’ and can lose track of time researching topics to the deepest level, often uncovering new ideas. I’ve channelled this more productively into investigative activism, writing on social justice issues – but that doesn’t help when you struggle to write the essay that was due yesterday. You’re just settling down when one fact you’ve remembered from a decade ago, perfect for your writing, pops into your head and you switch back to that and go down the next rabbit hole of research. 

Through necessity I’ve become an expert at masking and I seek privacy when I do have an episode. I’m only on campus certain days, so it would be rare to observe my true self. Many people would just see my somewhat erratic behaviour from time to time not being aware of what’s going on in my head every minute.

The net result of the above is that I can appear an isolated individual despite being a living, feeling human with the best of intentions.

This is where I think someone trained with some empathy might look at my hidden disability sunflower and put two and two together more sympathetically for me. It gives me a sense of comfort, particularly if I’m not aware of my interaction difficulties at the time.

How has the University Helped?

USyd has been supportive, starting with registering with the IDS website.

I applied on the website and had to provide an impact statement of my conditions in the context of USyd’s learning environment. I met with my GP and medical specialists to discuss this and we put together impacts relevant to university and I heard a term for the first time from my GP: “reasonable adjustments”.

I think we’re all familiar with general student assistance, such as simple extensions and special considerations. For disability, there is also the concept of reasonable adjustments. These are adjustments appropriate to your disability to give you an accessible and equitable learning experience, though this isn’t always the case for all students.

After my application I met with a Disability Support Officer who interviewed me, worked through some reasonable adjustments for my conditions and produced what is called an Academic Plan. This had adjustments to assessment such as more time for assignments, exams and recommendations to other support services.

The plan lists in detail the ways my conditions affect my ability to study without the necessary reasonable adjustments. It also lists those adjustments and doesn’t state my conditions, for the purpose of confidentiality. It is then circulated to unit coordinators and my home faculty. 

It is up to students if one wishes to engage their lecturers, which I did. I was open about my conditions and had good, supportive discussions with them.

Similarly, other services have been invaluable. The use of quiet rooms in the library and in the Manning Building after a day spent in sensory overload amongst thousands of fellow students.

Another regularly used tool has been accessibility software. With this I can convert PDF readings to MP3 files for offline listening rather than reading, which is much more effective in my ability to focus and retain information.

My only concern would be that in receiving an additional tuition session for a subject, one tutor mentioned without complaining that they did not get paid any extra for this. It was just one catch up but it could have been many and I think an allowance would go a long way here for busy tutors and lecturers assisting accessibility.

The Future

So my first experience of disclosing my conditions in what is my new (academic) workplace has been a great experience.

A liberal education institution is no financial services bear pit. At the same time the support and acceptance could easily have been much less.

I won’t lie, the demands of a postgraduate workload with my differences in cognition are still incredibly challenging. This is particularly the case with my inability to connect with fellow students to discuss the course and socialise as others might do.

However it has been great to have such a supportive framework in place and a tremendously accommodating experience so far for me as I navigate my studies.