Comedy //

Brexit crisis deepens, Galleon now only worth 85 Knuts

Naaman Zhou wants to remove the invisibility cloak from the hand of the market

The fallout from the UK’s decision to leave the EU continues to shock all levels of British society as the wizarding Galleon hits a 20 year low.

The magical gold coin, usually worth 17 Sickles and considered a crucial plank of the economy, has now has dropped to a mere 85 Knuts.

As markets opened, it was trading at $3 USD, 20 Galactic Credits or 4000 Neopoints.

The Galleon’s slump was its biggest ever one-day fall, ranking alongside the collapse of Lehman Brothers in 2008 and the return of the Dark Lord for a year long reign of murder in 1997.

It rallied late on Friday as investors considered that maybe their otherworldly magical gifts and powers put them above the results of mortal referenda. Instead, many rushed to the traditionally safe investment of owls.

4th year Magical Engineering student Mundungus Tym told Honi he feared the effects of a recession. “If it gets any worse, you’re gonna see a lot more blokes having to host Dark Wizards on the backs of their heads to survive,” he said.

“But that’s the sharing economy I guess.”

A senior goblin told waiting press they had done all they could. “Gringotts is the safest place in the wizarding world, but it’s still a victim of the global neoliberal agenda of the last 20 or so years.”

Meanwhile dragons apparently continue to roam through Eastern Europe with nobody from the Muggle world noticing.

Many “Leave” voters told Honi they now regretted their decision. “We’ve fucked it”, said minor background character Mafalda Hopkirk. “Wish I had one of them time-turners.”