The New South Wales Police Force has today revealed that they will be adopting a strict policy of using smaller guns when apprehending juvenile offenders.
Commissioner Rob Blowes, architect of the regulations, believes that this is a policy that will curb youth crime, which has been consistently rising for the past decade.
“See the thing about kids is that they are smaller than adults,” says Blowes, “Their crimes are generally less serious and are almost always non-violent. To aim a full-size gun at a young offender is a terrifying idea. But a kid-sized gun? That’s obviously proportional.”
The teeny tiny gun policy will be the cornerstone reform in a series of changes for the force as part of Operation Pacify.
“We have done extensive testing and found that these smaller guns are still incredibly effective at deterring and incapacitating children,” Blowes announced, hoping to satisfy sceptics who don’t believe the move goes far enough.
“Some children are bigger than other children,” said Mary Watkins, a mother in Sydney’s South, “We should keep shooting them with the big guns.”
Blowes says the concern is baseless, at press time declaring “We have shot so many children with these tiny guns. They have worked every time.”
Blowes says that the change won’t be a catchall and that the public shouldn’t expect to see young crime vanish overnight. He is also aware that there are other varieties of crime that require addressing by the state.
“At the moment we’re looking at some sort of extension of the policy to apply to animal offenders. Of course, animals aren’t humans, so we can’t just expect some other kind of gun to work, necessarily.
“No officer ever wants to point a gun at a child, but if you have to, you want it to be a smaller gun, possibly colourful… that is a step in the right direction.”