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Regulators to crackdown on blood, semen sports

The Mayweather-Pacquiao stoush has seen renewed calls for more stringent regulation of bloodsports and semensports in Australia. Brian Wilters, president of the Sportsafe Group, has said that, while mainstream bloodsports like boxing and MMA see plenty of media scrutiny, cumsliding and gentleman’s relish wrestling are going virtually unchecked. “We all know the damage that can…

The Mayweather-Pacquiao stoush has seen renewed calls for more stringent regulation of bloodsports and semensports in Australia.

Brian Wilters, president of the Sportsafe Group, has said that, while mainstream bloodsports like boxing and MMA see plenty of media scrutiny, cumsliding and gentleman’s relish wrestling are going virtually unchecked.

“We all know the damage that can be done from a concussive blow in the boxing ring,” Wilters says, “but what happens when you’re not in the safety of the ring any more, participating in a terrible, fast and loose game of jizzslip, without the guiding hand of a qualified cumpire?”

Semensport injuries have been consistently increasing since their blanket banning in 2010, pushing many players underground, playing in unlicensed venues without proper supervision.

The initial call to ban semensport came after a Kieren Terry, a 17 year old high schooler, has killed in a backyard game of seed flicking.

“How many more young people do we need to lose to spooftoss? Or dickmilk skating? Or ‘The Big Gargle’? This tragic list just gets longer. These sports are all taking lives.”

“Oh, and baby gravy ball, too.”

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