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Reclaim Australia Settles for Timeshare Property Outside Cooloongup

Citing the increased difficulty of finding appropriate musical tracking to their Facebook videos, lead organisers behind Reclaim Australia have withdrawn their intention to reclaim the entirety of Australia and have settled for a monthly share of an apartment outside Coolongup, WA. “While our original intention was to reunite Australia both ideologically and genetically, we’ve since…

Citing the increased difficulty of finding appropriate musical tracking to their Facebook videos, lead organisers behind Reclaim Australia have withdrawn their intention to reclaim the entirety of Australia and have settled for a monthly share of an apartment outside Coolongup, WA.

“While our original intention was to reunite Australia both ideologically and genetically, we’ve since fallen in love with a brilliant little weekender outside of Perth and we’re all very happy there”, said the Great Aussie Patriot, who now happily identifies as Shermon. The 621 square metre federation house was built in the 1950s, and features two and a half bathrooms, an extended kitchen and entertaining space, along with a verandah and spacious backyard. “It also has a modest northerly aspect and a nice sun in the afternoon”, he impressed.   

“Oh I’m just so excited to go there, Glenn and I are booked in from the 19th through the 21st”, said Wanda McInnes, 55, a third generation Australian suspicious of the ‘muslimification of education’, whose husband, Michael, 60, routinely selects people of colour for random searches at the airport. “It’ll be like a second honeymoon!”

The group was contacted for further comment, but were reportedly distracted by preparations for their first in a series of dinner parties as well as a rumour that there was a mosque opening somewhere nearby.

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