NASA has publicly announced that the purpose of its next mission to Mars will be to land a Roomba on the planet’s surface because it’s really fucking dusty up there. The unmanned mission is the first since the Curiosity Rover landed on the red planet more in 2012.
“And let me tell you, if this planet doesn’t get its act together, it’ll be the last one for a while,” said Peter Chapman of NASA’s Martian Exploration Unit.
“Lately it’s been really difficult to get much done on Mars. There’s shit everywhere and I know I’m always asking, and I’d hate to sound like I’m nagging, but I just can’t even look at the Red Planet any more. It’s such a mess.”
Chapman wanted to make sure reporters knew that he wasn’t mad at the planet, just disappointed.
“I’m not sending anybody up there for planet walks until it looks less like a pig sty and more like the beautiful fourth planet from the sun that I know it is.”
The team back on earth said they were stumped about how to clean up the planet which is more or less pristine, and consequently pretty dusty. An ordinary vacuum cleaner can’t be sent into space because space is a vacuum, and Dysons are very expensive.
The Roomba, Chapman says, was obvious once the team thought of it.
“The wonderful thing about a Roomba is the fact that you don’t need someone to steer it. Normally, the Roomba would just keep going til it hits a wall, but we’ve done some extensive testing of the red planet, and there are no walls there.
The Martian Exploration Division says they have high expectations for the mission. Conditions for launch are promising, the cost is minimal on account of the slight weight and size of the Roomba, plus the associated risks are low.
“The Curiosity Rover should be capable of lifting the couch if it gets stuck.”
