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The OWeek opening party line

Sean Goodwin? Why… he died 20 years ago

I am writing this as I stand in line for the OWeek Splash Dance Opening Night party. Yes, it’s Friday morning, and yes, I still have hope that we’ll get in.

Instead of mourning the days of the honest backage, I have put my time to good use. Here is a list of the things that I have accomplished waiting in line:

• I have befriended a Swiss exchange student by the name of Rrrrromaine and have said her name way past the point of it still being funny.

• I have finished writing my memoir, The Sean- shank Redemption.

• I have finished my Arts degree.

• I have started a religion.

• I have psychoanalysed my friends using the guy in front’s back sweat blotches as a Rorschach test.

• I have come up with a sustainable solution for the Arab-Israeli conflict.

• I have contemplated whether we may need to resort to drinking our own urine to survive.

• I have decided against this, but have heard that the ‘Malibu Summer’ on offer at the bar provides a similar experience.

• I have considered the possibility that after the 127-hour mark, I may sever my own arm just to be like James Franco.

• I have come to terms with the real possibility that yes, we may die here.

Editors’ note: Honi has not seen Sean since we sent him on this assignment. If you see him, please tell him we miss him and the party finished a week ago.