THE OFFSIDE TRAP
Run this play when you’ve spotted your frenemy walking ahead of you, in the same direction. Slow down your pace and remain behind them, taking care to stay out of their
For when you’ve seen them behind you in the reflection of the UniMart window. Quickly and erratically change your direction. At the last possible moment, dart perilously in front of groups walking the other way. Drop your shoulder across your body to really baffle poursuivants.
You’ll need a close friend for this one. The minute you see your frenemy, instruct your friend to leave your side. Approach the frenemy, hand outstretched, as if to greet them. Your friend should then appear from obscurity to steal the embrace and convincingly play the role of ‘friend who hasn’t seen you in years’.
The instant you lock eyes with your frenemy, embrace a nearby stranger–any stranger. Joke with your new best friend about your ludicrous timetable and unrealistic weekly quiz expectations. Any bewildered facial expressions should be beaten out with convincing back-slaps. Frenemies will float right by.
Whip out your phone and shade the side of your face with your palm, as if trying to make out the screen on power-saver mode. Pound the pavement until you’ve put sufficient distance between you and your frenemy.
THE FAST BREAK
As soon as you see them, turn and run. Run. Keep running.