USyd student Jonathan Fryer simultaneously climaxed and reached enlightenment last night after finishing his 2000-word essay for Government and International Relations which was due at midnight.
“I feel like the thirteen hours I spent on that assignment yesterday were this feverish, frantic, Redbull-fueled foreplay, leading to a final release.” Fryer said.
As Fryer began to close the 52 internet tabs he had opened, he also began to experience the strongest orgasm of his life.
“It just kept going and going, every tab of E-Readings I closed felt even better than the last,” Fryer said. When he started closing the randomly selected Google Scholar articles he had used to fluff up his bibliography, the “rolling hills of pleasure” only became more frequent.
“I can still feel it. I’m shaking.” Fryer was adamant his trembling had nothing to do with the nine No-Doz he took within six hours.
“I think I probably orgasmed for longer than it will take my tutor to give me a low pass but, honestly, after that experience, I don’t even care anymore.”
According to Fryer, the experience was spiritual in nature.
“I climaxed so hard I transcended our physical realm,” he added, “I had an inner journey and reached a lot of deep truths. I’m not going to procrastinate so much on these assessments anymore.”
When asked whether his newfound wisdom would motivate him to get an early start on his next essay, due in five days, Fryer’s response was upfront.
“Geez, I said I had a spiritual awakening, not that I could perform miracles.”
