In the wake of passing of the much-grieved iconic Quadrangle jacaranda tree, the University of Sydney has moved to replace it with a genetic twin.
Alongside the new tree, to celebrate the University’s roots as a space for Christianity and Abrahamic religion, will be planted a burning bush.
The bush, a vehicle for the Lord, has been heard telling passers-by of the importance of removing their shoes before stepping on holy ground. It has further divided the University community by insisting to anyone that listens that they must help drive the Israelites out of Egypt and freeing the Chosen People.
“It’s actually really distracting,” said Claire Smith, a first year philosophy student who passes the bush a few times a week. “I just want to make it to my tutorial on time without being told to lead the Israelites into Canaan. I don’t even think Canaan is still a country.”
The Garter has reached out to the bush for comment, but the only response we received was the transformation of a microphone into a snake and back again, and the infection of this reporter’s hand with leprosy, which was then cured.