Artwork by Jess Zlotnick
An OWeek Carol
The ghosts of stupol past descended on campus this OWeek. Groots personality Liam Carrigan was spotted, making a brief return to the mortal plane, and eighth year poltergeist Cameron Caccamo also came out to haunt the stalls. But the real ghoul wafting down Eastern Avenue was none other than SLS heavyweight and seventh year, Harry Stratton. In a Dickensian reminder of errors long past, Stratton knocked over a cardboard cutout of John Howard that had been set up outside the Liberal Club stall. Onlooking Libs were reported to have turned white as a sheet.
The ghosts of Christmas present made their ethereal presence felt as well. Connor Wherrett marched up to this little mermaid, brandishing a copy of your favourite student newspaper. But far from ribbing all decisions editorial, Wherrett had nothing but praise. Even his epithet ‘the Ferret’ found favour.
And the ghosts of Christmas future, those first year proto-hacks signing up at OWeek political stalls? We dread the day they return to walk Eastern Avenue, Moaning Myrtles in t-shirts of ghostly hue.
What’s in a name?
Your mermaids have been accused of plagiarism: one junior Groots member claims the name ‘Deep Tea Diving’ was their invention. No apologies here. Just as Shakespeare spun Holinshed’s dross into gossamer, so we mermaids have turned shit into gold. Lucky for one 2016 Honi ticket, we unoriginal bastards didn’t swipe their proposed gossip column name, ‘Stupol’s Drag Race’. ’Twould have been a SIN for sure.
RBT
It was a close shave for members of the No Pride in Detention float, who almost ended up on the Nine Network’s top-rated show RBT. The day of Mardi Gras, head honcho Imogen Grant posted in a University Facebook group, desperate for drivers who hadn’t “taken drugs in the last while”, or would be willing to risk a random drug test. These poor “rad lefties” nearly saw their float scuttled after realising there were no license-holding, unimpaired drivers in their friend pool. No such drug problems for the Liberal float, repped by campus Board Director Jacob Masina.
Labor pains
The umbilical cord has been snipped. Caitie McMenamin has officially left SLS, the stupol faction that nurtured her in the womb. By this mermaid’s count, that leaves just five SLS little ones in the USyd bed: Zac Gilles-Palmer, Jesse Krause, Cian Galea, Max Loomes and Massi Milani. The low egg count doesn’t bode well for SLS’s fertility rate.
Labor Club, officially a USU-registered club but unofficially controlled by Labor Left factions, hasn’t delivered for SLS either. Last year, SLS beat out NLS for the biggest slice of the exec. But now, with McMenamin gone, fewer members remain on the executive. Still, with access to membership lists and the power to convoke meetings, SLS still more or less control the show—for now. Just wait for this year’s AGM….
A previous version of this article suggested Liam Carrigan was at OWeek for the event’s whole duration and that he was enrolled in a law degree he did not intend to complete. Both these statements were inaccurate and have been corrected.