The Champagne Socialist (Outside Merewether)
Annie: This pole has been instrumental in student activist movements and in supporting campus culture. This pole protested Adani, urged people to join FMAA, and is now promoting an eBook on Amazon. What can’t this pole do?
Alan: There’s a bit of an epistemological dilemma here, right? Like, poles inherently support structures but all this pole supports is a rare colour mix of hot pink and mouldy sticky tape.
Mr Thick (On City Rd)
Alan: I’m not a big fan of this one. Something about it screams ‘pole performativity’ to me.
Annie: That’s not very nice. Girth matters more than length.
The Three Generations (ABS/Codrington)
Alan: This is our first triplet and they aren’t ordinary poles. The more I look at them, the more they cry out a sad story of intergenerational assimilation and the severance of cultural memory.
Annie: They are my children.
Joe: I’m not sure I’d call them poles. They’re like electricity pillars.
Michael Spence (Outside F23)
Alan: If the F23 Admin Building is the University’s beige cargo pants, this pole is its phallic core.
Annie: Quite white.
*The poles did not provide comment in time for publication.