In response to the University of Sydney announcing recently that it is re-engaging with the controversial Ramsay Centre’s Bachelor of Western Civilisation, an unlikely critic has stood up to voice their opposition.
Speaking from his villa on the outskirts of Rome, senator Marcus Felix Sextius expressed his bewilderment that the descendants of backwards Germanic barbarians were claiming to be the cultural heirs of Western civilisation – a legacy he says they have actively tried to destroy.
“If these fuckwit savages actually gave a shit about Western civilisation they wouldn’t be trying to sack Rome at every opportunity.”
“Last time I checked, Britain was a cultural backwater filled with fanatics who, I kid you not, get off from human sacrifice. And now you’re telling me these freaks are harping on about how they’re in charge of Western civilisation?”
When confronted with the traumatic legacy of his empire’s conquests across Europe, including in Britain, the senator did offer a more conciliatory note.
“Now that you mention it, maybe the obsession with Rome from these Germanic barbarians represents the complex post-colonial legacy of how the subaltern reinterprets their oppression by an imperial power. Perhaps what they need to do is to decolonise their minds.”
Nonetheless, the senator ended the interview by telling the “Anglo-saxons” to “shut up” until they spoke a language with case declensions.