Comedy //

How you, an Australian, can keep being Australian during a pandemic

If there's one thing we can't afford to lose in this trying time, it's out culture (?)

Prime Minister and noted crisis-handling expert Scott Morrison graced us with his divine wisdom last week regarding coronavirus and its effects on the day-to-day lives of the Australian public.

In a live address, Morrison assured viewers: “So long as Australians keep being Australians, we’ll get through this together.” 

You might think this is a hollow attempt at comforting a nation at the brink of mass hysteria, but patriotism might just be that last spark of hope to guide you through the long, awful-smelling tunnel that is 2020.

Here’s the Rodent’s top tips for staying Australian during the ongoing coronavirus outbreak!

  • Watch the footy!
  • Shield yourself in a fort made of Australian flags!
  • Keep watching the footy!
  • Go to the beach! 
  • Make the leap from casual racism to full-time racism!
  • Blast Packed to the Rafters: The Soundtrack Volume 2 as you stand half-naked on your balcony, but also wear a face mask!
  • Tell your son that he coughs like a girl!
  • Drink yourself into a state of total numbness to erase any anxiety you had about the societal collapse the virus has already initiated!
  • Get into a fist-fight with someone about the footy!
  • Or just sit back and relax with an ice cold Coron – sorry, VB
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