Comedy //

Jordan had a pretty good time at the Grose last Wednesday

Finally, a positive college story for once.

Following sustained public pressure from exceedingly normal college kids who (like all ordinary students) have written essay length USyd Rants posts about how much Honi Soit sucks, the editorial team has decided to revise its reporting to provide more balanced coverage on the issue of colleges.

Jordan Barker (Commerce IV) had a pretty good night with the lads at the Grose last Wednesday.

“So stoked Grose is opened up again,” Barker told Honi, “going back to live with my parents in rural NSW because of iso has been pretty fuckin’ tough.”

Barker has been living with his parents in Avalon.

“But now it’s Grose until close mate! It’s hard to admit, but I really missed the boys: John, Jake, Jason, James, Jace and Jorge.”

Like most residents at Sydney Uni’s residential colleges, Barker returned home due to social distancing measures.

But following the lobbying of the NSW Liberal Party cabinet, Sydney University’s residential colleges and chosen pubs have been granted an early exemption from lockdown laws.

It hasn’t been an easy return for Barker, who has returned to a college home graffitied with anti-college messages.

“It’s pretty egregious that people would treat my home, my oasis like that.”

“I mean really, is it so much to ask to have a basic respect of property?” Barker told a reporter, while squatting to take a shit in the main corridor.

“I’m just worried that this will be an unsafe place to raise my poor gerbil, Mussolini.”

Editor’s Note: Commencing immediately, Honi Soit has committed to true balance, following up every article about a negative college experience with a positive one! Because that’s how news works, apparently.

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