This morning, a dude texted me “Will you let this average white boy smash once?” Applaud the hustle, but top-tier clown behaviour. Let’s whore the hell out of whatever’s left of Leo season!
Aries: Sip, sip, slurp, but don’t be an idiot. You’ve been making bad decisions when drunk and asking that random dude from Hinge to come over to yours. Genitals are not the best place to think from when three tequila shots in.
Taurus: Underwear parties are in. Put some lacy panties and caution tape on, dance to 80s hip hop and let that hottie tear that tape apart in a club bathroom.
Gemini: Is your housemate having loud sex everyday and the ear plugs are not working anymore? Knock on their door and express that you’re happy about their sex escapades but them being quieter will leave some space for you to touch yourself in peace though.
Cancer: If they’ve expressed that they’re okay with being recorded in the bedroom, get spicy with it! Creative roleplays, soft lighting and dirty talk in bed can make it fun to watch after and have hotter action. Roar and record, bitches!
Leo: An erotic book club? Nothing better than this. Read through the pages of romances, new sexual fanfiction, platonic narratives and discuss it around the fire with some brandy in hand.
Virgo: Dancing on the table is a ritual you look so hot doing. Shimmy to G6, twerk against a champagne tower and remove your shirt slowly while swooning to the latest Charli XCX. Fuck, can’t get eyes off you.
Libra: Long drives with that person to the KFC drive through is an important process. Eat hot chips coated in chicken salt and then eat them out after because yum, I want to go on a ride with you and ride after you.
Scorpio: Love, sex and immense passion is on the charts for you. Go slow, because chemistry with an air sign can be so intense and shake you at first but it will all be worth it.
Sagittarius: A little hot selfie from time to time during work breaks can turn them on so much. A boob shot or an ass peak can make them want you so bad, I can’t for you to get into it.
Capricorn: Be alone for a bit. You don’t have to dive into impulsive sexual desires all the time. Sometimes taking things slow is beautiful and the rest will help you think better.
Aquarius: Don’t overthink things and let affection in. They’re texting you because they think you’re a hotshot and want to create space in their cupboard because they love all that you’re. Let it all all in, fuck all night, and some more in the morning.
Pisces: Nah nah nah, come on! You don’t have to be good at all, be bad and let that work for you in bed. Little action for being naughty? Roar, roar, and roar louder!
