Boredom is the low energy state of the universe to which all things within it are inexorably drawn.
The cosmos is 13.8 billion years old and every one of its apparently infinite seconds is a step in the indefatigable march towards bitter cold. In time, every atom will be so far divorced from its nearest neighbour that the very idea that anything ever was or could have been in this dank and cold wasteland would seem impossible to the consciousnesses that might pass it by, but won’t.
Meanwhile, we play with our trackpads and genitals. We cede sovereignty to our news feeds, our fingers moving up and down until we realise we’ve been here before but scroll on, unperturbed, looking for something new in an utterly remarkable display of misplaced hopefulness and perseverance. We give our attention wholly to repeats and reruns. We lie prone as always—cadavers on beds of ice, awaiting a miracle, or that cute medical science student to catch our cold, dead eyes.
Perhaps, if you are at all like us (and we like to think that you are), Honi offers the promise of distraction and respite from this most common of fates. Perhaps your escape is short one bawdy tale of a pig and thirty minutes worth of ejaculate. Perhaps all your lucidity requires are meditations on Vivid, courtesy of an art snob. Or perhaps this week you are of an altogether more thoughtful disposition, and can only stave off the inevitable with a rare glimpse into the struggles of youth homelessness.
I implore you to read on, lest the spectre of boredom arrives, Game.of.Thrones.S05E08.HDTV.x264 in incorporeal hand, and you succumb to his siren song and find yourself relistening to the entirety of Serial and wondering why it’s no less absurd and dissatisfying than it was the first time around and…
Enjoy your mid-year break. We’ll be back on stands in no time.