Comedy //

This Omnipotent, Omniscient Being Was Turned Away by NINE Publishers – What He Did Next Will Blow Your Mind

Ann Ding understands the art of creation.

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Everyone has heard the inspiring story of how J. K. Rowling fought her way from poverty and hardship to being a world-famous author; but not many people have heard of how God, once a young, struggling deity, held fast to his dream of publishing his very own universe and overcame all obstacles to become a successful Creator.

Ever since he was a fledgling celestial being, Yahweh had dreamt of making his very own universe, but he knew that his Plan would not be an easy one to achieve.

By the age of 300,000,000,000,000 (equivalent to his late teenage years), he had put together a complete final manuscript for a universe. When we talked to him, the immortal recalled that he “definitely deleted like, my first three or four drafts and started over a bunch of times”.

He says of his creative process: “When it comes to me, it just comes, you know? I ended up finishing the final version in six days.” Yahweh, or as his friends call him, Jehovah, began to submit his universe to publisher after publisher – but was turned away nine times.

Disappointed but not disheartened, he pushed on and took the risk of his immortal life – he decided to start his own indie publishing house and break into the notoriously impenetrable intelligent design market.

Now, roughly 6,000 years later, he has sold billions of copies of his reality – and it’s so successful and well- known that some believe his universe has existed for almost 14 billion years! Truly an inspiration to all the omnipotent, omniscient divinities out there.