Comedy //

Edgy Nihilists Flock to New #nolivesmatter Movement

Jacob Henegan and Victoria Zerbst atone for this.

Jacob Henegan and Victoria Zerbst atone for this.

While the #blacklivesmatter movement fights for important social change and #alllivesmatter people loudly put their heads in the sand, a new movement has emerged, denying the existence of racialised police violence, as well as all other human experience.

The Cursor has been contacted by many self-described “thinkers” offering their unsolicited perspectives. “There have been a lot of buzzwords, hashtags if you will, trying to prescribe some kind of ‘value’ to human life.” Philosophy student P. Douglas explained.

“Like, politics aside, the #nolivesmatter hashtag simply asserts the meta-ethical view that morality does not exist as something inherent to objective reality. Also, none of us have ever been shot at.”

The movement is said to have spread throughout Sydney’s Inner-West, even reaching less hip suburbs like Ashfield. Cafe-owner and blogger Neil Stumpf also slid into our Twitter DMs with the message, “We’re not just nihilists. Some of us are anti-natalists, or members of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

“For us, #nolivesmatter is not just a trendy hashtag that makes us look philosophically informed and “woke” to the latest epistemological discourse, it is a nihilistic modus vivendi, and that sounds like a really important thing to rally behind.” He added, while vaping.

When approached for comment, an administrator of the #nolivesmatter Facebook page stated, “Amidst all this injustice and racially motivated violence, it’s important to remember that the universe is inherently uncaring and nothing anyone does in this world will ever matter.”

The #nolivesmatter movement are not planning any rallies, but members are working on numerous academic papers.