A confederacy of supervillains has confirmed that the shutdown of the Gotham Police Department on Friday marks the last in a long series of non-Batman exercises that will culminate in their takeover of Gotham city.
On Monday, an alliance of devilish supervillains including the ‘Penguin’, ‘Poison Ivy’ and ‘Scarecrow’ held Gotham ransom with a purloined earthquake machine.
The group says that they are very happy with recent efforts to exploit public fears and expose humanity’s tendency for chaos beyond the thin veil of civility, but critics argue the victories may be short-lived given their inattention to Batman-related complications.
“Truly, every portion of the takeover has been taken into consideration and executed smoothly,” said The Penguin on behalf of the coalition.
The group’s demands included the shutdown of mun icipal operations, the closure of the Gotham Gazette, and the emptying of Arkham Asylum and Blackgate Penitentiary, the city’s infamous prison complex.
“But most importantly,” the Penguin stated, “we have yet to see any disruption to the plan from the so called ‘Batman’, and I can think of no reason to expect any. Our spectacular plan concludes tomorrow, at dawn and the results will be… shall we say… earth shattering.”
Some have been critical of the group’s past inability to deal with The Batman, pointing to every past scheme in which a promising run on Gotham city has been foiled in its final stages by The Dark Knight. Some experts believe that, although the Dark Knight has yet to disrupt the scheme, two knocked out henchmen and a smoke grenade deployed only blocks from the Alliance’s hideout indicate an imminent upswing in Batman-related complications.
In a recent statement to the press, the group was optimistic. “So far, the takeover has been an overwhelming success. The imprisonment of Commissioner Gordon, the looting of funds from the Gotham Bank, and the establishment of a kangaroo court run by Scarecrow are all indicators that everything will go according to plan.”
“We are fully aware that, for some, the question of Batman’s whereabouts and the associated risk of sabotage may be worrisome” said the group’s spokesperson, Poison Ivy. “But to be concerned is to get distracted from our successes in every non-Batman objective outlined in our manifesto. We understand that we have been blindsided by Batman in the past. But this time we have taken precautions. We have launched a city-wide grafitti and vandalism campaign, taken a sledgehammer to the city’s historic ‘Bat-signal’, and torn down the statue of Batman erected in city hall.”
“It’s crucial to remember the non-Batman progress we’ve made. At the end of the day, we have a city to terrorize. The better part of our militia has just left to enforce curfew, the moon is rising out, and a storm is on the horizon. These are all great signs. We can’t let our Batman anxieties dominate us forever. I think things are changing for us in the Batman department.”
At press time, Batman was seen punching henchmen on guard at the compound, while The Penguin watched via CCTV, furiously shouting “Impossible!”
