NOTICE of Election 2021
Comedy //

EDITORIAL: Am I Obliged to Weigh in on Bishop Here? I Mean, I Will, if I Have to— Wait, We’re Calling it “Choppergate” Now? For Fuck’s Sake. Then we must.

I am the slave to a suffix. As soon as a jumpstart intern with too little time and imagination jumps on the political bandwagon and calls something a fucking “gate” scandal, I have to come running, like a bloodhound addicted to drivel and shit, because it’s what you morons apparently demand. At this point in…

I am the slave to a suffix.

As soon as a jumpstart intern with too little time and imagination jumps on the political bandwagon and calls something a fucking “gate” scandal, I have to come running, like a bloodhound addicted to drivel and shit, because it’s what you morons apparently demand.

At this point in the editorial, I’ll recount the facts that you’ll ignore in favour of an impression that you’ve already had consolidated in your mind for some time. Parliamentarian spends thousands and thousands of the taxpayers’ moneys to do something that anyone with half a wit could do for a dime.

Of course they walk all over you. You have never displayed anything close to the Herculean power that the universe has imbued in you. Like a mouse, you live in a nook and beg for the owners not to stomp on you of a night because you have twelve kids and a mortgage. You also beg for your choppergate stories, like demented mouths that feed on tepid takes and shit images with shit captions.

I am so very, deeply ashamed of how much coverage this debacle receives within all newspapers, not least… indeed, perhaps especially… my own.

That such coverage will inevitably prove impotent is sadder still. Demand more, you spineless cowards.

Amanda Huntingslow,
(Apparent) Executive Editor