Comedy //

USU Deregisters EU, Endorses Satan

Naaman Zhou and Victoria Zerbst can’t wait to see the comments

In an unsurprising turn of events the USU have officially deregistered the Evangelical Union while simultaneously endorsing Lucifer, Demon of the Underworld and King of Screaming Thieves.

The EU was disbarred over the club’s insistence that all members must declare faith in Jesus Christ, as well as their refusal to donate future spawn to the Dark Underlord, as outlined in CnS regulations.

Standing in a pentagram, wiping blood on her face, USU President, Goulisha Aiken-Batburn told The Cursor: “The USU were sick of being demonized in mainstream media so we decided to lean in. Hail Satan. Hail his crusty frame. Hail his bloodthirsty tongue.”

Recoiling from a crucifix, USU vice president, Hellivia Demonan added, “Sanctus Satanas, Sanctus Dominus Diabolus Sabaoth“.

Satan expressed displeasure with this association with the USU. He told The Cursor that he will not be renewing his access card in 2017.