Close Menu
Honi Soit
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram
    Trending
    • Strawmanning in the chat at the July SRC Council
    • Folk Reimagined, East In Symphony at the Sydney Opera House
    • Graeme Turner’s ‘Broken’ assesses our ailing university sector
    • MAPW addresses USyd’s retreat from “obligation to promote peace” in open letter
    • 2025–26 State Budget Unpacked
    • Antisemitism review puts universities, festivals, and cultural centres under threat
    • Macquarie University axes Sociology, cuts more jobs & courses
    • UTS elects new Chancellor
    • About
    • Print Edition
    • Student Journalism Conference 2025
    • Writing Comp
    • Advertise
    • Locations
    • Contact
    Facebook Instagram X (Twitter) TikTok
    Honi SoitHoni Soit
    Wednesday, July 16
    • News
    • Analysis
    • Culture
    • Opinion
    • University
    • Features
    • Perspective
    • Investigation
    • Reviews
    • Comedy
    • Student Journalism Conference 2025
    Honi Soit
    Home»Sport

    Butterflop, or, why butterfly is the worst stroke

    By Max Hall and Mary WardAugust 16, 2016 Sport 4 Mins Read
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email

    Butterfly – the swimming stroke – is bad. We are allowed to forget this for three of every four years, but since we’re all in Rio now and we can once again care about sports which don’t involve balls or alcohol sponsorship deals, it’s time to talk.

    Incredibly, butterfly stroke was not invented by Tyson O’Brien from primary school so that he could go home from the swimming carnival with another blue ribbon. The bastard. The stroke was actually invented by a series of stupid 20th century men, including Australian Sydney Cavill, who started using the technique while experimenting with breaststroke.

    At first the butterfly arm was used alongside a breaststroke kick. But then US competitors started to adopt the horizontal torso writhe which now accompanies the stroke.

    Actual transcript from change room of a 1930’s Iowa public pool:

    Man 1: “Gee, I like swimming breaststroke.”

    Man 2: “Me too, and not just for the innuendo.” [the room guffaws]

    Man 1: “But, you know what would make it better?”

    Man 2: “What?”

    Man 1: “If I could just thrust my dick at the pool as I did it.”[1]

    The resulting stroke is the only way to make wearing a hat made out of the same material as a washing-up glove more embarrassing than it already is. Let’s face it, butterfly looks like the aquatic technique of a 22-year-old farm boy who decided it would be funny to swim in the dam after drinking a case of VB. People try to justify butterfly’s existence by saying it is the fastest stroke. But, this is only half-true. And, by half-true, we mean literally not true at all.

    The underwater movement of butterfly is faster than any other stroke (although, it should be said, not as fast as a “fish kick”, which is essentially a butterfly kick attempted on one’s side by a few rogue competitors after hitting a tumble turn – resulting in disqualification if you turn entirely onto your stomach in backstroke, or entirely onto your back in any other event), but you lose speed throwing your body out of the water. The world record time for the men’s 50m butterfly is 22.43 seconds, 1.52 seconds slower than the world record for freestyle. For the women’s event, the difference in time is 0.7 seconds.

    While butterfly might be quick if you have gills, there’s a reason why no one’s ever thought to work on their keyhole-arm technique while trying to escape a shark attack: it’s not very fast.

    Put simply, there is no reason for the farce of competitive butterfly swimming to continue. No one has ever used butterfly to rescue their drowning child or cross to the other side of your local pool on a 40 degree day.

    It is the only stroke that can be said to be a wholly human invention. While breaststroke originated when Stone Age men mimicked the movements of frogs and “freestyle” (front crawl) and backstroke have been observed in nature for centuries, the same cannot be said for this piss poor method of aquatic passage.

    No animal does butterfly. You can’t just name a stroke after an animal to try to make it seem like a natural method of water passage. Least of all one that doesn’t. Even. Fucking. Swim. In fact, if you so much as wet a butterfly’s wing, it is incapacitated forever.

    So why are we still swimming butterfly? You can’t butterfly in budgie smugglers or a bikini without losing your swimmers and dignity in one grotesque heave of your tired shoulder muscles. A coincidence? No. Big Swimwear has to sell those ultra-tight and hi-tech suits with shark skin patterns and the easiest way to do so is promoting butterfly with your International Olympic Committee cronies. And has anyone ever stopped to consider the role which flippers manufacturers may play in this farce? Find us an under 10s coach who isn’t making their charges practice “dolphin kick” while wearing them.

    In sum, butterfly is a capitalist ploy, and also cooked. Let’s end this madness, ban the stroke and make Phelps return his medals.

    [1] Seriously. The swimming pool at Rio has been getting so much action, the diving pool’s turned green with envy.

    butterfly comedy Olympics rio 2016 swimming tragedy

    Keep Reading

    Week 12 CONSPIRASOIT Editorial

    Remember Me

    Battling personalities and deadlines: The spectrum of characters in group assessments

    The Little Vape That Could

    Fare Evasion: A Conversation With the Artful Dodger*

    Illegally Blonde: A Manifesto for Modern Justice

    Just In

    Strawmanning in the chat at the July SRC Council

    July 14, 2025

    Folk Reimagined, East In Symphony at the Sydney Opera House

    July 14, 2025

    Graeme Turner’s ‘Broken’ assesses our ailing university sector

    July 13, 2025

    MAPW addresses USyd’s retreat from “obligation to promote peace” in open letter

    July 13, 2025
    Editor's Picks

    Part One: The Tale of the Corporate University

    May 28, 2025

    “Thank you Conspiracy!” says Capitalism, as it survives another day

    May 21, 2025

    A meditation on God and the impossible pursuit of answers

    May 14, 2025

    We Will Be Remembered As More Than Administrative Errors

    May 7, 2025
    Facebook Instagram X (Twitter) TikTok

    From the mines

    • News
    • Analysis
    • Higher Education
    • Culture
    • Features
    • Investigation
    • Comedy
    • Editorials
    • Letters
    • Misc

     

    • Opinion
    • Perspective
    • Profiles
    • Reviews
    • Science
    • Social
    • Sport
    • SRC Reports
    • Tech

    Admin

    • About
    • Editors
    • Send an Anonymous Tip
    • Write/Produce/Create For Us
    • Print Edition
    • Locations
    • Archive
    • Advertise in Honi Soit
    • Contact Us

    We acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. The University of Sydney – where we write, publish and distribute Honi Soit – is on the sovereign land of these people. As students and journalists, we recognise our complicity in the ongoing colonisation of Indigenous land. In recognition of our privilege, we vow to not only include, but to prioritise and centre the experiences of Indigenous people, and to be reflective when we fail to be a counterpoint to the racism that plagues the mainstream media.

    © 2025 Honi Soit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms
    • Accessibility

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.