Comedy //

Crazy: this innovator has plans for a car that will completely disrupt the automotive market

It’s a wonder it’s only managed to secure $300 million in startup funding so far

The vroom vroom

Wow. While the huge auto giants in Detroit churn out the same old boring car designs year after year, this young innovator is planning the release of a wildly innovative automotive innovation that will make you rethink the way you conceive of personal transport.

It’s a model Jamie Devins calls: ‘the Vroom Vroom’. At the core of its design is its power generating mechanism. For about a century, automakers have only offered cars powered by one fuel: petroleum. But now, Devins’ new engine plans to disrupt their market: his engine runs on carrots.

‘You put in the carrot in this hole, this one,’ Devins explains, ‘and that goes into the car and it goes ‘woah!’ and then that makes the car go vroom vroom.’

It’s a simple yet elegant design that really shows how backwards and stagnant the Detroit car industry has been in recent years.

Another way the car blows its stone age competitors out of the water is with its software system. Most cars today have a primitive operating system which runs programs like maps and music. However, the Vroom Vroom is a huge step forward from this. Its operating system is more than a technological flourish: it not only fully autonomously regulates the entire car’s functioning, it also provides the user with rich, seamless conversation.

“Yeah, yeah, I made him a friendly car. His name is Larry and he tells you jokes whenever you’re in the car.”

Devins, only 7 years of age, first started on the project after his teacher asked his class what kind of vehicle they’d like to use in the future, and he hasn’t stopped working on the project since. As a magnanimous face of the company, Devins heralds himself as the visionary behind the design, even putting himself in the driver’s seat of the Vroom Vroom’s concept design.

Other groundbreaking features of the car include a fully functional roof mounted laser beam, an icy pole holder, a puppy, and a helicopter on the top, “so the car can go ‘brrrshhh’ and fly away if it wants”.

With all these innovative features, it’s strange the Vroom Vroom only has only reached $300 million in its first round of venture capital funding.

Critics of the industry revolutionising car have argued that it is just a concept — that it only currently exists as an idea that has no feasible means of being produced, and that it’s a poor investment strategy to heavily invest in products that have no viable path to mass production.

In a statement to the press, Devins declines that the Vroom Vroom has hit back at his critics.

“Nuh-uh. I’m gonna get lots and lots and lots of money and I’m gonna build a big big factory and there’s gonna be a million-bajillion cars.”