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    Home»Comedy

    Man’s illness causes community concern

    ANGELA PRENDERGAST reports
    By Honi Soit and Angela PrendergastMay 13, 2017 Comedy 2 Mins Read
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    A 29-year-old Marrickville local has been sadly diagnosed with Race Blindness. Chris* Hopkins, father of two children at Westwood School, began causing alarm in his neighbourhood when he claimed that all individuals looked the same. It had been reported that before his diagnosis, he was infamous for announcing that he could not see race. This news sadly came after he posted a status on his personal Facebook account where the comments were low, and the likes were varied between wow and angry reacts:

                     “We are one race. The Human Race”

    The news about his diagnoses travelled quickly the next morning. The Carnival was a mere two days later. With the high demand for race specialists such as Joan ‘My-Asian-Neighbour’ Suzuki, and Jayda ‘Spice-Legend’ Patel, an appointment within 3 days was next to impossible. Chris attended the carnival nonetheless and cheered, only to hear that he was cheering for the 200 metre heat, as he had missed the 100 metre final.

    There were reports from witnesses stating that the 29-year-old acted aggressively toward the other patrons at the carnival. Mrs Chan stated that “[the man in question] was there for over an hour. He could not have missed it”. But sadly, the events of two days earlier had led him to this fate. The events of that afternoon are remembered each year by an ‘International Food Market’ day at the school.

    He was last seen outside Woolworths in Waterloo. Woolworths staff provided security footage of Chris talking to a cat by the entrance, reportedly saying “Oh Donna, is that a cashmere coat today?”.

    Experts say his illness has progressed to Species Blindness, and he can no longer decipher between animals and people. There is fear his illness will denigrate further, as he may no longer be able to tell the difference between houses and human beings.

    Please contact 1600RACE if you have any information on Chris as he is still missing.

    *His name has been changed for legal purposes

    acar honi 2017 comedy human race Washington Post-Racial

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