Premier Gladys Berejiklian has refused to rule out privatising all of New South Wales after a damning KPMG audit found that democracy is not the most efficient value-for-money solution for government.
“Why subject the public to bloated bureaucracy when they would be more efficiently served by a semi-hereditary corporate board and Linda from HR?” said Berejiklian at a press conference this morning.
Opposition Leader (OL) Luke Foley was quick to remind his Facebook followers that the Liberal Party likes to privatise things.
When asked how she would respond to criticism levelled at her by OL Levi Frosty, Berejiklian was reportedly shocked to discover that an opposition party existed at all, let alone that it was led by somebody.
OL Lincoln Forgettable was contacted for comment, however our calls to his office were met with a bizarre electrical screech reminiscent of a dial-up internet connection.
KPMG representative Greg Harvey was delighted to see the NSW Government taking the audit seriously with the July budget looming.
“Thank God — make sure to capitalise that — the Liberals take the irrefutable research of management consultants seriously,” he said. “KPMG’s work, much like fossil fuels and the sharing economy, is a sensible way of ensuring every sharehol- I mean citizen, is delivered the best value services.”
“NSW PTY LTD would be certain to deliver those services.”
The original KPMG audit was ordered by Finance Minister Dominic Perrotet after recent structural innovations in the private sector saw the appointment of an unpaid intern as CEO of Australia’s largest marketing firm.
