‘Avengers: Infinity War’ Breaks Box Office Records, Snaps Neck of Box Office Clerk, Burns Down Cinema, Opens Gateway to Hell

This Marvel flick has destroyed film records, and any record of other films.

In a matter of mere days, Avengers: Infinity War has had the biggest opening weekend of any film in history and become the fastest to make $1 billion, breaking international box office records and signalling the arrival of the End Times with a cascade of fire and brimstone.

Infinity War, only the third Avengers film but nineteenth entry into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is a no-holds barred blockbuster that, while full of satisfying twists and turns, will still leave you hungry for more—and also hungry for food after this behemoth of popular cinema summons a cloud of locusts to devastate the crop supplies of Australasia and our neighbouring Pacific Islands.

The film crackles with on-screen talent as we see Tony Stark and company reunited with old friends and become acquainted with new ones, in the same way that you will become acquainted with Beelzebub, Prince of Demons, as his army of undead slaves ferry your soul into the underworld.

President of Marvel Studios Kevin Feige says he’s, “thrilled that people have flocked to see their favourite heroes gathered together on the big screen”. Adding that he, “can’t wait for the fans to see Ant-Man and The Wasp when it arrives at cinemas later this year”, provided cinemas still exist and have not been carpet-bombed.