Wild boars attack the Honi Office

A rare and dangerous breed of wild, prehistoric boar entered the Honi Office this week. This resulted in the death of the editors who entered the office on Tuesday for their weekly pitch meeting.

As part of a week of USU activities, PULP were tasked with the management and handling of wild boars. The boars were part of a petting zoo to be set up on the Law Lawns earlier in the day. Due to an unforeseen complication, the boars needed to be stored somewhere else overnight. 

Our friends at PULP – despite their mould-free office, full of windows and fresh air perfect for this rare animal – decided to use the Honi office for the safekeeping of the boars.

The boars happily spent Monday evening and Tuesday in the office, undisturbed by shocked bystanders. Accepting pats from daring editors and councillors, no one expected the boars to act out. 

Unfortunately, this negligent decision from the PULP editors in managing the storage of these boars has resulted in the deaths of the Honi Editors. 

Honi will now publish eight editions a year to acknowledge the impact of PULP on this production. Pitches will open tomorrow.

If all the Honi editors are all dead, you may ask, who is reporting on this tragic incident?

Hi, I’m Stephen Soit. Many many years ago, I lent my name to the Honi Soit community. I had a vision. I had a dream. And now is my chance to realise it.

I am the Honi 1. 

But, could someone explain to me how to use this wordpress thing? They didn’t use this when I started…

The Honi stipend will remain the same, and will be paid to Stephen Soit. It will be used to build a boar proof fence for the office. 

Honi has reached out to PULP for comment. A PULP Spokesperson responded “Zingggggg.”

Editor’s Note: This article was updated to include a response from a PULP spokesperson received after publication.