Comedy //

How to burn down the Law School

Jamie Lowe probably never read section 195 of the Crimes Act.

Looking for a fun O Week activity that will kick-off your year in style? Try burning down the law school and disposing of all evidence.

Trust me, it’s fine. I have read dozens of laws, and I can’t recall any that say “do not burn down the law school”. So, semantics over – let’s talk burning.

The first step is simple – equip yourself. You’re going to need lighter fluid, lighters, at least two medieval-mob style torches, and a comfortable pair of shoes. I recommend Keds.

The next step is avoiding security. Place an anonymous call alerting security to a nearby crisis. University security personnel respond to calls regarding leaking taps, rogue academics, and reports of rage-filled ibises pursuing bystanders to feed on their nutrient-packed eyeballs.

Once this step is completed, take a stroll through the ‘Corridor of White Men’ on the first floor. The portraits of jowly white men will provide excellent fuel for your fledging blaze.

Ensure that the fire will devour the law café, incongruously known as ‘Taste’. The only taste left will be that of the bitter ashes of overpriced coffee.

Once you’ve had your fill, make one last round of the building. There’s nothing worse than burning down the law school only to realise you’ve forgotten to torch a tutorial room.

Congrats! You’ve successfully burned down the law school, freeing us all from an oppressive manifestation of Foucauldian discipline, and making some awesome memories that will stay with you long after your prosecution has concluded.