April Fool’s tragedy: hundreds die as emergency calls mistaken for pranks


Grim Reaper ambulance

Parliament has today launched a Royal Commission into the aftermath of April 1st, a day which saw emergency services across Australia ignore every single 000 call.

The death toll on Sunday morning stood at 512, with many more injured, and millions of dollars in property damage from fire, theft, and a wild pack of wolves. One young boy’s parents told The Garter that their son had repeatedly warned police about the wolf pack but been ignored.

Many believe the tragedy is primarily a result of NSW emergency services adopting the controversial “Bart Simpson” response policy. The policy — which allows calls to be ignored if the caller has a funny name —was enacted after last year when one prankster’s calls resulted in every single police officer in the state being sent to pig slaughterhouses and donut stores around NSW.

Despite the mayhem, authorities say they are not to blame.

“Now look, our hearts go out to the many victims of that grave day but our decision to not respond to calls was a rational one,” says NSW Ambulance Chief Executive, Dominic Morgan. “One man called in to say a person called Ophelia Rass had been hit by a car. Are you telling me you’d send an ambulance at huge cost to the taxpayer off the back of that obviously fake name?”

Rass died at the scene. She leaves behind two young children.