Preist Exiled to Paedophile Island

After thoughtful deliberation with the region’s bishops and priests, this afternoon transferred Brother Lawrence O’Reilly from his position as diocese priest to a new position within the church on Paedophile Island.

Father Daniel McReedy was quick to guard against speculative headlines.

“We have the utmost respect for Brother O’Reilly,” McReedy stated at a press conference this morning, “and while we cannot speak to the specifics of why he has expatriated to Paedophile Island, his congregation can be confident that he left only because he felt he must.”

O’Reilly is not the first priest from his parish to relocate to Paedophile Island. In 1974, John Killop transferred out of the diocese after the assault of three young girls who were members of his church.

“Like Killop,” McReedy says, “O’Reilly is going away for no particular reason.”

“The move to Paedophile Island is not the result of allegations made against O’Reilly. It’s an rangement to which he is better suited. We are sure he will enjoy the change of pace offered at Paedophile Island.”