A morning after rainbow-coloured hysteria swept newsfeeds everywhere, local Facebook user Nick Carroll has begun to worry about when it’s appropriate to change his rainbow display picture.
“You definitely don’t want to be the first”, the openly heterosexual man said, “but if you leave it too long, people might think I’m… you know? It’s like a Christmas Tree in February.”
Responses to his updated profile picture have been entirely positive. “Really brave of you to come out in support of this, mate”, commented one friend. “So good”, said another.
Undeterred by rates of queer homelessness, systematic transphobia, and the inherent tyranny of an institution allowing the state to regulate family and gender, Carroll called the decision “a long-coming victory for all Americans!”
“It just felt good to do something for the community”, said the self-described ally. “It was the right thing to do.”
Carroll earlier this week labelled Obama “a man of class” for shutting down a queer activist at a White House event, and is known to have called people “faggot” in high school.
“Now, I’m just waiting for our own High Court to make a humanitarian judgment on asylum seekers, or another issue with a flag that can be turned into a filter.”
“Maybe I’ll just pick a photo with one of my gay friends.”