Misc //

BREAKING NEWS: Coffees Out, Iced Coffees In, Baby.

Aaron Chen knows what’s up.

Art by Johanna Roberts.

If you actually are at one with this world you will have a total realisation that the weather is getting warmer. Yes, summer is upon us! It is actually so hot that when I was riding in an Uber which had all leather seats and my back got really sweaty and the driver saw me and I don’t think I got 5 stars for the experience. This is not the only implication of the heat. Yes, coffees are out and iced coffees are in. See there’s nothing like a hot flatty to get peak pit moisture on a summer’s day. The greatest cafés are all chucking your lattes on ice now. No, I’m not talking sugary cold coffee a la Barista Bros. I’m talking your morning coffee on bricks of frozen water, capiche? Now don’t get me wrong I’ll smash a Big M or Dare any week of the year but it really is a sometimes drink.

But is it as good as a classic coffee? Yes. I actually strongly believe that coffee on ice is better than hot coffee. Like the level of ice actually makes it so smooth on the palate (your tongue). It feels fun and adventurous and I impressed so many people at the big café for many weeks and especially the big man at the café who is angry looking and I’m scared of. They were talking about it for so long that after they stopped talking about it I just felt empty and little. That time I ordered a soy flat white, chuck it on ice barista. However, nowadays I can only drink long blacks but still on ice because my friend Sam is making me lose 7 kg for a big comedy show we are doing. In it I have to crowd surf and in the trial runs I was much too dense and heavy for the feeble audience.

The first time I had this was at The House in Chippendale. I saw it on the menu and simply could not resist throwing down some of the beverage between my lil’ lips. If you go there you will notice that all the baristas are so cool and give each other hi fives… REGULARLY. So please go wearing your best hat or something similar otherwise you will feel intimidated. And please don’t tell them I sent you because it could ruin my reputation if you are not cool or a nerd or just one of the worst jocks. When I started drinking the long blacks for my diet (because I’m making the greatest art), I did it at this café opposite Redfern station with the “No Wi-fi” sign. Their coffees are chill but their signs are nil. You can also get a cold drip but honestly I don’t really know what that is. One time a lady tried to explain it to me but the whole time I was too distracted thinking about how it cost $6 and had less liquid than I expected.

There you have it, once again the game is changed. Have a good summer and don’t get sunburnt or kicked in the shin when you are kicking around a Wahu at the beach.

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