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    Home»Comedy

    OPINION: I Hate The Ocean

    By Emma BalfourApril 18, 2016 Comedy 2 Mins Read
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    I hate the ocean. It is so big and blue and it is disgusting. It has too many fish, and one time I saw it throw up a whole shell! Yuck!

    I hate the saliva of the earth so much. Why is it there? When will it stop? If I ever saw Poseidon I would punch him in the face for making the ocean that I hate. The deep terror is the worst part of this planet, and I don’t know why we stand for it!

    I used to love Johnny Depp, but when I found out he made multiple movies that had the ocean in them, I vowed never to kiss the pale man’s beautiful face ever again!

    Water World gave me nightmares for eight months. I hate the big wet so very much. When I sing the alphabet, I refuse to sing the third letter because of how much I hate the sea.

    Who even needs the ocean? Give me a garden pond any day. Or even a man-made reservoir. Now that’s a manageable body of water!

    The evil water slosh is the scourge of this planet. I wish there were a sham-wow big enough to soak it all up. It is a bad thing, and I will fight it one day when my muscles are strong enough.

    comedy Johnny Depp ocean opinion planet Poseidon

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