Comedy //

Everything You Need To Know About The Presidential Election

By Jestika Chand, who knows nothing about the Presidential Election but wrote this anyway.

IS

Donald Trump:

Currently the dude who is like winning and probably will win. Uses China as an example excessively, wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico. Meme hair. Is a real big asshole. Talks over everyone a lot. Had those 3 dancing kids for some reason. Poor kids.

Bernie:

The guy everyone at Uni likes. The President the United States of America need but don’t deserve. He seems pretty cool. He lost New York and that was bad. He sings.

Some dude with a funny nose. Hold on. I’m looking it up. Cool, found it. Keep reading.

Ted Cruz:

His face looks like his bae just broke up with him but he’s trying to keep it together.

Kasich:

He looks like a 2003 grandad from popular Australian television show Neighbours.

Hillary Clinton:

She’s part of the democratic party so she’s on Bernie’s side but she’s also not good? Keeps getting mansplained which sucks. I face swapped with Hillary and it didn’t look bad.

Jeb Bush:

Pitiful dude. Tried real hard, not running anymore. Memes: “Please clap” and “Jeb is a mess”.

That is all I know. Thank you.