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Sex on campus

Tales of getting down and dirty on university grounds

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1. Getting down on the high table

Last year I went to the play put on by St Paul’s college with my boyfriend — neither of us are college students. After the show we were just wandering around exploring. The dining hall was unlocked so we went in, closed the door, and fucked on the high table.

2. Rock and a hard place

I once fucked in the disabled bathroom next to the Old Geology Lecture Theatre. Before that we did foreplay in the lecture theatre itself and I came all over one of the chairs. I still go back and visit the chair for the memories. This was nearly three years ago. Oh, how time flies!

3. If you can’t stand the heat…

There’s a great private place under Eastern Avenue, I think it’s a kitchen. My lover at the time and I used to go there quite often. It has a broken fridge and a broken wheelie chair. Anyway, it’s very private — by which I mean it has a lock — and it’s spacious enough with a large table and a chair, so getting your pal lying down or sitting is easy. It’s across from the bathroom, so freshening up was quick and easy. We’d often be interrupted by students trying to claim their lunches from the freezer. Unlocking the door, looking rushed, shirt stuck in my bra; almost everyone knew what had been happening 30 seconds before.

Screen Shot 2017-05-02 at 7.09.08 PM4. Hey, who turned out the lights?

We entered a Carslaw lecture theatre at night through a door that had been left ajar. It took a few minutes to work out how to dim the lights… Just as we were putting our things back on, we joked about security finding us — instantly we heard the door begin to swing open. We scrambled behind the lecturer’s podium and tried not to laugh as a security guard scanned the room. A minute later we heard the door shut. Lucky for him and us.

5. Ergonomically designed to meet any need

Last year my boyfriend and I were walking back across campus after watching a revue at the Seymour centre. As we passed Cadigal Green I said that I thought the sloping chairs would be fun to have sex on. Partly as a joke we started making out and I ended up riding him on one of the chairs at 10pm on a Thursday.

6. Multimedia makes us seedier

My boyfriend and I had delightful, albeit quick, sex on the floor of one of the multimedia rooms in Fisher. Despite it being 3pm in the middle of the week, we were lucky enough not to get caught, although I hadn’t yet put my stockings back on when a guy started to open the door to check if the room was empty.

7. Pub crawl to Carslaw

Having only been at uni for three weeks as a new babe first year, I was pleasantly surprised at the bounty that was campus Tinder. I coincidentally bumped into one of my matches after a pub crawl, and whilst waiting for an Uber back to his place (hyped up from a week of nude exchanges) we decided we could wait no longer and engaged in some sloppy drunk coitus on the benches outside Carslaw lecture theatre… only to be interrupted by campus security. Oops!

8. To the window, to the wall

The Madsen building bathrooms boast floor to ceiling doors but sub-optimal handgrips (a concern I’ll obviously raise with administration). Finding a good position was difficult — the only way forward was against the wall. We probably resembled one of those awkward couple-sex photos occasionally memorialised on Google Streetview. A welcome respite from a gruelling study session.

9. We hardly knew thee

Underneath the Jacaranda tree — vale.

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