Since Moses’ Ten Commandments introduced the sublime phenomena of the listicle, humankind has been drawn to numbered textual forms that placate our brief attention spans. Reducing the world to a grocery list makes it easily digestible, and Incredible Capitalised Headlines That Stop The Earth’s Rotation have built Buzzfeed into the most popular destination for millennial ethnology. While I am impartial to a nostalgic 90’s roundup that features Furbies, The Spice Girls and Nikki Webster, the listicle format has been stretched to ridiculous extremes and has become the textual expression of a distracted, modern mind. Anyway, in true Buzzfeed fashion, here is a completely arbitrary listicle that compiles the worst listicles you will ever read.
22 Celebrities That Look Nothing Alike
Accosted by the uncomplicated juxtaposition of Oprah Winfrey and Channing Tatum, my eyes ricocheted to Tina Fey and Cate Blanchett, until the comparison of Idris Elba and Benedict Cumberbatch triggered brake lights. It’s as if the writer thought “how many black people can we compare with white people to keep this interesting?”. This concept could only ever work if Michael Cera was compared to, well, everyone.
20 Things That Will Make You Say NOOOOOOO!
The only thing I’m saying ‘NOOOOOOO!’ to is a complication of GIFs with too much white space in-between.
20 Slightly Incorrect Names For Food
Dyslexia jokes aside, this article is unlikely to make significant contributions to urban dictionary’s database by calling blueberries ‘blumbos’ and sushi ‘shhhhh’. Yet, I could really go for a peanut boy and jaleel sandwich.
29 Pictures That Prove Japan Is The Most WTF Country On Earth
The reductionist frames in which Japanese wildlife, game shows and sumo wrestlers are presented creates a theme of discomforting orientalism that runs through the entire listicle. At best, it offers comic relief; at worst, the foreign context is exoticised so much so that it becomes something of a Western fantasy.
17 Signs You’ve Been Living In Sydney Way, Way Too Long
Sydney, to me, often feels like a megalomaniac, airborne plastic bag that suffocates all signs of vibrancy, nangs and jagerbombs after twelve o’clock. Buzzfeed is atrocious at capturing geographical nuance, and instead calculates in overtly accessible conclusions about NYE, ferries and Bondi Beach.
27 Times Ruby Rose’s Instagram Gave You Life
This is an ingenuous curation of photos that infuriatingly neglects perfect grid alignment. Instead of stealing content from the likes of Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr, perhaps Buzzfeed could utilise substantive textual forms, like Kim Kardashian’s Selfish coffee table staple or Brooklyn Beckham’s visionary photography book What I See.