In a victory for tacky gays everywhere, marriage will be allowed for same sex couples as long as it is televised in a thirteen-week reality television show conditionally optioned by Channel 9.
In a High Court decision delivered Monday, the bench gave assent to marriage equality “exclusively as practised on a prime time television show on the 9/WIN Network”. While there have been appeals from rival stations, it’s unlikely to affect the decision, which was intended to level the playing field after Channel 10 received the rights to broadcast a reality TV show about polyamory and Channel 7 optioned Knife Fights At Sea.
“I’ve never been happier”, said Neville Marroway on his impending nuptials to partner, Bruce, which will entail their being cast as the ‘bitchy-couple’ that ‘audiences love to hate’. On his new role, he said that “those two lesbians over there are tacky see-you-next-tuesdays”, before putting his hand dramatically over his mouth.
“We appreciate how important equality is, and we’re so proud to be part of this important push. It’s imperative that we all enjoy the right to legitimately be with the a person they probably don’t love within the realm of a horrible, exploitative game shows,” Nine Network CEO David Gyngell said.
“The institution of marriage on television game shows is a noble and precious one. Love, kindness and commitment are all eschewed by the format. Why should anyone be precluded from partaking?”